All About Love by Bell Hooks

 

For our November 2025 bookclub, Karen joined us in person - woot woot! We discussed the book All About Love by Bell Hooks, a nonfiction book that explores love in all its different facets. Topics included love from parents, romantic love, self-love, spiritual love,  the healing power of love, etc. It holds an interesting premise that love is a choice, a purposeful action, and not just a feeling. The author embraces a definition of love from M Scott Peck who claims that love is "the will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth."

We really wanted to love this book, but unfortunately for most of us, it fell short. Some found it less than engaging, while others were frustrated by the sweeping stereotypes and generalization (Men lie and therefore deny themselves love). Still, there were some good nuggets such as the importance of loving the self. We discussed how the author really wanted to heal from her hurtful childhood and romantic relationships and how she really did want to find true love. We hoped that she did.

The book inspired conversations about renewing vows and love languages. We also discussed personal topics such as parents, kids, work, lack of work, retirement, travel, citizenship, and writing books (Will we collectively write a book about bookclub one day? We're open to title suggestions.)

We were thrilled to see Karen but sad to miss Liz this time around. As we near the end of another year, and reflect on love in our lives, I think we can all agree on one thing: we LOVE bookclub!

Frozen River by Ariel Lawhon

 

The year is 1789 in colonial Maine, and a brutal winter freezes over the Kennebec River, trapping the body of a dead man in the ice. When he is discovered, the small town of Hallowell scrambles to solve the mystery. A midwife and healer is called in to examine the body, and when she suspects foul play given the evidence she observes, some respected townspeople challenge her conclusions. With twists and turns, this thrilling historical novel is based on the real diary of Martha Ballard and surrounding historical records.

For our discussion, Cathy shared some extra information from other biographies written about Martha Ballard. We learned that although there is a record of Rebecca Foster's rape trial, there seems to be no documented murder trial related to the man in the ice and no records concerning interactions with Paul Revere. In terms of the culture of the time, people were always going to other people's homes, more than we see in current times. Martha earned her own income as a midwife, and she and her husband seemed to keep their money separate. Records indicate that her husband even went to debtor's prison for a time.

Aside from dry records of births, deaths, trials, and the weather, the author admits that given the paucity of information, she took liberties when personifying Ballard's character. As readers, we wondered if Ballard was a bit modernized given her independence, bold actions, and strong feminist-like views. Martha's husband also seemed a bit romanticized with his deep understanding and unwavering support of his wife. But these traits made him likable in contrast to the villains of the story, so we'll take it.

We compared Ballard's work as a medical professional with the responsibilities of the doctors and midwives in Lady Tan's Circle of Women, a fictionalized account of a real female physician living in 15th century China. Basically, we concluded that women handle the bulk of the dirty work. 

We continued our discussion by sharing happenings in our own lives. And of course, we celebrated that we were all able to join this time around. Until next time when we are soundly in the fall season!

Priestdaddy by Patricia Lockwood

 

In May, we read Jennifer's pick: Priestdaddy by Patricia Lockwood. The book is a memoir about the unique life of a woman whose father is a Catholic priest. "How is this possible?" one might ask, given the Latin rite and practice of clerical celibacy. Well, apparently with conversions, exceptions can be made. The memoir covers a period of time in Lockwood's life when she is a married young woman, trying to be a professional writer but needing to live with her parents to help make ends meet. The author uses frequent flashbacks to uncover relevant episodes of her childhood up to the not-so-distant past when she leaves home as a newlywed.

There were definitely laugh-out-loud moments in this book! In addition to some hilarious situations, there were also many moments of humorous wordplay and sophisticated puns. Many of the characters were very likable including the author, mother, and husband. We liked how both were extremely supportive of Lockwood as she pursued her dream of becoming a writer. The husband was witty and had a good sense of humor about living with his crazy in-laws. We also felt bad when he had to deal with an emergency medical problem early in their marriage.

The memoir did take a turn in the middle as the author wrestled with some serious issues from her past as well as uncomfortable truths that were being covered up in the church. Throughout the tell-all narrative, the reader gets a rich understanding of her family's dynamics and especially her complex relationship with her father.

Our discussion included some technical details about the rules of Catholicism and even what the buildings mentioned in the book, such as a rectory, looked like. With regard to Catholicism, we also talked about the newly chosen pope, his personality, and the elaborate election process.

Discussions also linked back to our personal lives including summer plans, the challenges of traveling given the current political climate, children's college applications and decisions, empty nesting versus free birding, aging parents, and racing. We missed Liz this time around and are crossing our fingers she'll be with us next time. And yes, if you look at the picture carefully, it is a serious deep-fake as I combined four photographs into one to make it look like everyone was there at the same time smiling (I am proud to say that no AI was used). Until we meet again in August!

How to Read a Book: A Novel by Monica Wood

 

We gathered in March to discuss Liz's selection: How to Read a Book: A Novel by Monica Wood. In the story, there are three narrative voices: Violet, a young woman who has just been released from prison for manslaughter, Harriet, a retired English teacher in her 60s who is running a bookclub at the prison, and Frank, a recently-widowed man trying to recover from the tragedy of his wife's death. The author adeptly interweaves the storylines of these three main characters resulting in a satisfying tale about making mistakes, redefining ourselves, forgiving, and creating our own communities and families.

The book was well-liked by all. We enjoyed the characters, plot, inspirational message and even the talking parrots. We liked seeing the development of Violet from an insecure ex-prisoner to a strong woman with purpose, work ethic, and sense of self respect. Although it was painful to witness her relationship with a university professor because of the skewed power dynamics, we understood that it was a necessary element for the plot. We also agreed that we liked Harriet (nicknamed Bookie) and her perspective on reading books, namely an insight into perceiving the meanwhile of what's happening that isn't necessarily written about explicitly. All that said, we did feel that some of the characters demonstrated behavior that was too idealistic and therefore a bit unbelievable. Frank was an example of this as he was a bit too nice to be realistic. We also didn't buy that his daughter would show forgiveness at the end. But we let these things slide because we liked the book. :-)

We engaged in some extensive conversation about animal communication, since parrots were an integral part of the book. The author included a description of actual research on African Greys that she drew from in order to accurately write about the birds in her book. It turns about that Cathy loves African Greys! As usual, we also talked about many other topics including parents, college applications, homes, and other novels. By the end, I think we DID feel we had better insight into how to read book.

The Mountain in the Sea by Ray Nayler

 

To kick off the new year, we read Rebecca's pick, The Mountain in the Sea by Ray Nayler. This novel takes place in the not-so-distant future where there is a struggle between humans, the rise of trans-national corporations, AI, and an intriguing but dangerous octopus species that seems to have developed its own language and culture. The book begins as Dr. Ha Nguyen is sent to Con Dao Archipelago to study the octopus alongside the highly intelligent android, Evrim. The company that sends her there, DIANIMA, is headed by Dr. Minervudottir-Chan, a neuroscientist and the creator of Evrim. Does Dr. Minervudottir-Chan's motivation have the interests of the octopuses in mind or is she more driven to study and create intelligent minds for the purpose of exploitation and control? Does Dr. Nguyen learn to communicate in octopus language and can she form a meaningful relationship with these intelligent creatures? Has Evrim reached the level of consciousness that human's enjoy and how can we know? Will AI replace the need for human relationships? Will greed and violence always be prevalent in human existence? All of these questions and more are explored in the book.

The novel presented many areas for discussion. Language, of course, was one of them as we all share a background in speech recognition. We enjoyed the details about how Dr. Nguyen goes about studying the octopus language, and some noticed for the first time how the language symbols are printed on the fore-edge of the book pages. We were a bit disappointed that it wasn't more like the movie Arrival (where aliens come to Earth and humans try to understand their written language). But it was interesting to follow the language development side of the story. 

We talked about technology and reflected about how not so long ago the main way that people met spouses was through proximity at school, work, sports, etc., but how the main way now is online. We discussed human relationships with AI in the book, for example, Ha's relationship with Evrim and Ha's relationship with her point five (her AI companion, Kamran), and how, even now, some people report having deep, profound, even loving, relationships with AI entities. 

We also talked about consciousness, what this means, and how you can tell whether or not something is self-aware. We observed that the moment the portal into Evrim's mind was closed off was the exact moment that they became conscious. We also explored the idea of what it would be like to be conscious but without a human body, perhaps with an android body or no body at all. And what would this mean for your perception of the world and existence since some live more 'in the body' while others live more 'in the mind.'

Related to this, we discussed the different ways that people perceive and think, connectomes, the always-active creative mind, the state of being hyper-focused, and transformational books. All of this while eating delicious food = heaven. Thank you for hosting, Rebecca. We were missing, Liz and truly hope to see her soon!

(making like the octopus)

The Matzah Ball by Jean Meltzer

 

For December, we read Lisa's pick called The Matzah Ball: A Humorous and Unexpected Holiday Romance of Hidden Passions, Childhood Rivalries, and the Magic of Hanukkah by Jean Meltzer. In this lighthearted holiday novel, the main character Rachel Rubenstein-Goldblatt comes from an established Jewish family in New York City and experiences a Hanukkah like no other.  Her long-lost rival and secret first love from summer camp, Jacob Greenberg, has returned from France after many years to throw a larger-than-life Jewish event called the Matzah Ball. Startled that her childhood flame has re-entered her life, she resists match-making pressure from her mother but simultaneously feels attracted to this boy turned Jewish "stud muffin." Meanwhile, her career takes an unexpected turn when her publisher rejects her book proposal and demands something different and more diverse. A closet Christmas novelist, Rachel now needs help finding inspiration for a Hanukkah romance or she will risk losing her publishing contract which allows her to work while managing her chronic fatigue illness. Will Rachel discover a way to attend the sold-out Matzah Ball and find her muse? How long will she continue to keep her professional life a secret? Frustrated by her illness, will the true love that her characters experience ever become a reality for her?

We all agreed that this romance novel was a much-needed fun read as we closed out the year. The author adds a healthy dose of humor to the narrative making for an amusing love story bedazzled with details of Jewish culture including descriptions of Shabbat, traditional foods, and words in Yiddish. We enjoyed the quirkiness of the main character, wisdom of both mother characters, and warmth of the family relationships. Sometimes details were questioned, for example, why did drama from when the characters were 12-years-old hold so much sway, but overall, the story took the well-worn holiday romance trope and successfully added unique charm.

We were thrilled to have everyone in attendance and of course enjoyed conversation beyond the topic of the book. We discussed holiday traditions, children, family, pets, travel, and even actress look-alikes:

Neve Campbell -> Amy

Annette Bening -> Liz

Toni Collette -> Jen

Jodi Foster -> Rebecca

Headshot by Rita Bullwinkel

 

In November, we met to discuss Karen's pick, Headshot by Rita Bullwinkel. The novel is structured like a sports tournament, with each chapter representing a match between two young women boxers. In fact, before the book begins, there is a bracket with the names of the teenagers who face each other. The author even fills in the names of the later matches so the author is aware that the reader will know who wins the first round of fights.

The book inspired quite a bit of discussion. In general we liked the fresh topic, interesting structure, and writing style of book. However, the physical violence of boxing disturbed some readers. We agreed that the structure was interesting. The flow of each chapter reflected the act of fighting. As the girls found gaps in the bodily form of the other and took opportunities to hit each other back and forth, likewise, the point of view of the narrative shifts back and forth between the characters. As each fight unfolds, we observe the inner thoughts of the two boxers, their back stories, motivating influences, and even future stories including the their occupations, relationships, and attitudes. Interestingly, many of the characters hardly remember the time of their lives detailed in the book. In a sense, we start to understand how each character is fighting her own demons in the ring.

The setting was also a topic of discussion. The ring is in a run-down building in Reno with half-interested  and sometimes shared coaches. The winner trophy is cheap and can hardly hold water. The reader gets an understanding of the lack of support for this women's sport and the girls' deep determination just to be present at this tournament. Overall, we gave it a thumbs up.

As with all bookclubs, we ended our meeting catching up with each other and discussing current events such as the upcoming election and more personal topics. We missed Liz and hope to see her at the next bookclub, which will be the final meeting of the year (where did the year go?)

Apples Never Fall by Liane Moriarty

 

In September, we met at Cathy's house to discuss Amy's pick Apples Never Fall by Liane Moriarty. In the novel, Joy Delaney, wife of Stan Delaney and mother of four adult children, goes missing. The story is told by many different narrators revealing mysterious details and uncovering memories that make the reader wonder whether or not Stan is guilty of foul play. Stan and Joy ran a successful tennis academy for decades but heated emotions about past events start to come to the forefront and shed new light on old relationships. And what about the strange woman who Joy informally adopts after showing up on the Delaney's doorstep one night? Is she a victim of domestic violence or a crafty schemer, as some of the children suspect? By the time the reader gets to the end, we learn the truth, not just about what happened but the true essence of what makes each character tick.

The book was generally well received. We enjoyed that it was a captivating page-turner with many surprises along the way. It was like several books in one. In the first part, the mystery is set up and we get a glimpse of how each character portrays her or himself. Then, in the middle, we start to understand how the main characters actually are, and in the end, we see the resolution. Also, the details contributed in many ways and were all buttoned up at the end, such as the sliding magnet, paper-shredding dog, and laundry-stealing cat. It was also a plus for tennis enthusiasts (Lisa) since tennis took on a significant role in the novel (but everything was accessible for non-tennis players as well). Even the tennis-playing styles of the characters lent to their own character development.

Some critiques were that the book was rather long, the constant change of narrator could become dizzying, and that as mystery/thriller/police-procedural books go, this one was kind of tame. It really was more about the character development than the mystery.

We discussed different characters and what we thought of their behavior, for example, we explored a key secret of Joy's, why she did what she, and whether we agreed with her decision. We talked about Stan and his motivations, all of the adult children, and of course Savannah. All in all, the book led to a very focused discussion and inspired many of us to read some of Moriarty's other works.

We were sad that Liz had to miss the call and hope to see her next time. Karen is up next and we are super excited to see her in person next month! Will we be able to coordinate a bookclub around her visit? We'll have to leave you in suspense.

James by Percival Everett

 

 

In July, a small group gathered to discuss James: A Novel by Percival Everett. Remember Huckleberry Finn? Well, James takes that story of Huck and tells it from the perspective of Jim, the slave. 

We spent some time recounting what we knew about the Huckleberry Finn plot to see what storylines were present in both novels and where the two diverged. For example, [*spoilers] the snake bite, floating house, feuding families, duke and king are all a part of Everett's plot as well. There are significant twists though, especially near the end where we learn the 'true' relationship between James and Huck. 

The book was well received. The author did a great job of balancing the known plot of Huck Finn with new material that makes this novel able to stand on its own. We discussed themes of philosophy, dreams, language and identity. At times the book included difficult scenes as it dealt with topics such as slave torture and slave rape. Viewing these from the perspective of a narrator who identifies with the victims and eventually settles the score with some characters is powerful and allows us to dig deeper into this uncomfortable part of our nation's history. 

Although interesting, none of us really bought the author's idea that the slaves pretended to speak a slave language while in the presence of white people but then spoke in an educated way among themselves. It plays into the book's theme of the role of language in identity and perception of identity, but unfortunately, we didn't buy it. We all did seem comfortable with the author's reimagining of Huck and Jim's relationship though. All in all, the book stands highly recommended.

Summertime is always difficult for scheduling but Amy was able to join us briefly from Hawai'i. We look forward to meeting up with Rebecca, Karen, and Liz at future meetings and hearing about all their adventures this summer.

Lisa's Birthday

 

The bookclubbers celebrate Lisa's birthday

(we know Karen was there with us in spirit)

An Absolutely Remarkable Thing by Hank Green

 

In May, we all gathered to discuss An Absolutely Remarkable Thing by Hank Green. In the novel, dozens of ten-foot Transformer-like statues wearing samurai armor appear in cities across the world. The main character, April May who is a 23-year-old designer in New York City, discovers the first one (which she names Carl) and posts a video to YouTube with the help of her friend Andy. The video goes viral and thus begins an adventure that is part sci-fi, part puzzle, and a whole lot of public publicity, branding, and rhetoric in a millennial style pitting two views against each another: should the world trust or fear the source of these unknown statues.

The book was generally well-received. It was easy-to-read and light-hearted although the themes it addressed such as persuasion, personal impacts of social media and wealth, ethics when standing for a cause (to name just a few), were absolutely relevant to modern times. Interestingly, most did not identify or even like the main character, but it was agreed that this did not detract from enjoying the book. We had similar impressions of the other characters. For example, we all liked April May's ex-girlfriend Maya, her assistant Robin, and her parents. We also all agreed that her friend Andy was kind of a bland character who served a purpose, like an NPC. 

The creativity of the author was admirable and we collectively recalled a few select scenes that caught our attention and made us think, "Ok, this is kinda crazy, but I'm along for the ride."

We discussed other details such as the benefit of solving problems collectively, the relationship between Hank Green and the author John Green (they're brothers!), and the book sequel.

We also caught up on everyone's personal lives including careers, families, siblings, and summer plans. We're looking forward to seeing each other again very soon (almost all in person) at a big birthday celebration where one of us will be turning ... ? Maybe 21? Don't pay attention to the fact that bookclub itself is almost 21. The math ain't mathing, but so what.

Lady Tan's Circle of Women by Lisa See

 

Our first bookclub of 2024 was Liz's pick, Lady Tan's Circle of Women a historical novel by Lisa See. In the book, we follow the life of Tan Yunxian, a girl born into an elite family living in 15th-century China. After her mother's tragic death, Yunxian goes to live with her grandparents who prepare her to be a physician. She befriends a mid-wife in training and the two share an intimate friendship as they move through different phases of life together.

The book was generally well received with the usual mix of some reading and some listening to the audio book. We discussed historical accuracy including what happened to the medical book that Lady Tan wrote. We explored the tension between the author writing as a modern woman about a woman living in a traditional setting but wanting to move toward a more modern and independent life. It was interesting because some thought the character was too modern in her views to be believable while others thought the opposite. We talked about some of the ancient perspectives on medicine and how eastern views influence today's medical field including acupuncture, wholistic doctors, doctors of osteopathy, and Ayurveda. Related to this, we discussed how the topic of vaccinations were addressed by different characters in the book.

We also delved into the different relationships of the characters. We talked about the respect and intimacy between the women and how their lives complemented each other given their different classes and roles. The relationship between the main character and her mother-in-law was also a topic of conversation leading us to share our own stories of mother-in-laws in our lives.

The twist in the book was also of interest as well as the way the author used flowery language to discuss gore of everyday life such as menstruation  (moon water), birth, and parasites.

All in all, we had some engaging conversation about the book inspiring some to binge read other books by the same author. 

We were so happy everyone could join! After our discussion, local folks had lunch in the park with cowboy hats (?) Given the new release of Beyoncé's country single, "Texas Hold 'Em," we made up a line dance and had a "real life hoedown." What happens in bookclub, stays in bookclub, y'all.

Why Fish Don't Exist by Lulu Miller

 

Today we met at Rebecca's house to discuss Why Fish Don't Exist: A Story of Loss, Love, and the Hidden Order of Life by Lulu Miller. The book is difficult to classify. It is partially a biography of David Starr Jordan, a taxonomist from the late 1800s and early 1900s who eventually became the president of Stanford University. At the same time, it is partially a memoir about the author and her fascination with Jordan. Miller was deeply moved by Jordan, whose life's work was destroyed by lightening, a fire, and an earthquake and yet who continued to persevere. Miller digs deep into the writings and stories of Jordan to uncover her own understanding of what it means to live with purpose and integrity and what happens when our structured view of the world crumbles and falls apart.

The book was well-received by all. The narrative brought the reader to so many interesting places that it spoke to everyone. First, there was the educational aspect: we learned about the life of Jordan, the field of taxonomy, the poisoning of Jane Stanford, the surprising science behind why the category of fish doesn't really exist, and the uncomfortable history of eugenics in the United States. Then there was the philosophical aspect of the book: the meaning of life with and without a belief in God, the difference between attitude and delusion, the power of the individual in a society, and ethics. And then, there was the arc of the author's own story, digging herself out of depression and using her obsession over Jordan as a vehicle for self-discovery. And finally the aftermath: the result of the author telling this powerful story caused many buildings throughout the country to be renamed. 

Many times, we will read a book, discuss it for twenty minutes and then move on to our own lives, but with this book, we kept coming back to different aspects of the story again and again in our conversation. We discussed ethical questions of what we would do if a fetus had a genetic disease or a condition that made them different (to some in the 1800s 'unfit') or if we knew that a child would live a short life. We related this to themes from other books and movies.  Finally, after much discussion and philosophizing over a delicious mushroom lasagna with a side of roasted carrots, we talked about work, recipes, generative AI, TV, the WE manifesto, "femalism," logorrhea, and other topics. The bookclub eventually morphed into yoga and a dance party.

In a deep fake, the picture above shows both Karen and Lisa as if they were on the same call, when in fact, they got on and off at different times. We didn't photoshop Liz in because she couldn't make it and that would have been too far from reality - but we were thinking of her and send her our love. Thanks everyone for the great read and amazing bookclub!

Dinners with Ruth by Nina Totenberg

 

For our second meeting in September, we met in person (with Liz!) at the Crepevine and discussed Nina Totenberg's Dinners with Ruth: A Memoir on the Power of Friendships. The memoir describes Totenberg's career as an American legal affairs correspondent for National Public Radio and her personal life including close friendships with Cokie Roberts and of course Ruth Bader Ginsburg. In the book, the reader learns interesting stories about Totenberg's challenges as a woman reporter, the first time Totenberg and RBG met, her difficult time tending to her ill first husband, and supporting RBG when her husband died, just to name a few. The book includes pictures of Totenberg with her family, RBG, and other famous people, and the audio book, as read by the author, includes some musical excerpts of her father playing the violin.

We all enjoyed the book. Some minor critiques were that we assumed it would be more about RBG than it actually was and there was an awful lot of name dropping, but let's face it, Totenberg has a lot of friends who happen to be famous. The stories were genuine and inspiring. Some that stood out the most for us were the blatant sexism Totenberg faced as a young journalist, the discussions she and RBG would have at dinner while the young interns watched, her support of Cokie Roberts as she fought cancer, and a beautiful poem.

We had some interesting discussions ourselves on topics including politics, career. children, a closed caption invention, TMI, and ChatGPT.

After lunch, we enjoyed strolling around downtown on a gorgeous, sunny afternoon. We were sorry to miss Karen and Cathy. Next time!

Before the Coffee Gets Cold by Toshikazu Kawaguchi

 

We spent a lovely afternoon by the pool at Lisa's house to discuss Before the Coffee Gets Cold by Toshikazu Kawagunchi. The setting of the novel is a coffeeshop in a back alley in the streets of Tokyo.  There is something very special about this coffeeshop. If you sit in the right seat, you can be asked to be transported back in time! But there's a catch: you have to come back before your coffee gets cold. Actually, there are other catches, like sometimes there's a ghost in the seat, but learning these rules is part of the fun. The novel develops several story lines, each with a character wanting to bend the linear trajectory of time to help with a relationship.  In the book, we encountered a young woman wanting to talk to her departed lover, estranged sisters, a wife wanting to see her husband before his memory is ravaged by Alzheimer's Disease, and a mother wondering about her child.

Reactions to the book were mixed. Some struggled with the awkward translation into English and questions about the storyline while others were touched by the deep human relationships and excited to get their hands on the sequel. Some interesting conversations ensued for example, the role of Japanese versus American culture in the reader's reaction to the plot, quiet silence versus rebellion, and how personalities are molded or not molded by environment.

September will be another rare occurrence of two bookclub meetings in one month - wow. We're looking forward to seeing Liz, who we miss so much.

Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume

 

On June 4, 2023, we met in Santa Cruz to discuss Karen's pick: "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret" by Judy Blume. Although, all of us had already read the book in our youth, we thought it would be interesting to revisit this coming-of-age classic that was recently released as a movie. In the book, the main character, Margaret, is almost twelve and has just moved out of New York City to suburbia. Trying to fit in, she makes friends with a girl down the street who is the leader of a secret club where a small group of friends talks about crushes, bras, and getting their first periods. As Margaret adjusts to her new life, she realizes that she is alone in not having a religious affiliation. Her father is Jewish and her mother is Christian and they have allowed Margaret to make her own choice. Which will she choose? Throughout the book, we hear the inner dialog of Margaret as she talks to God about her hopes and fears as she learns about her developing body and explores her own identity.

As middle-aged women rereading this book, we were all struck by what we had remembered and what we didn't. The general consensus was that we recalled the parts about puberty but not about Margaret's exploration of religion. It was interesting to see how much more depth there was in the book than we realized and how the book was truly before its time. We discussed the characters including Margaret, her mom, Margaret's friends and grandmother. We also compared modern views with trends from fifty years ago, especially gender identification. A fun read!

We were thrilled to have everyone present this time along with Rebecca's dog Fin, who is always happy to be right where the action is. 

Happy 20 years of bookclub, everyone!

Hot Tub and Hummus

 

In May, Karen was in town from Switzerland, so we got together for "Hot Tub and Hummus." The Mediterranean food was delicious and was followed by Lisa's fresh-baked cookies and Cathy's different flavored bars of chocolate - just wow! And of course, afterward, we did enjoy the hot tub. Thank you, Lisa, for hosting. Liz, how we miss you!

The Startup Wife by Tahmima Anam

 

In the spring 2023, we read Amy's pick, The Startup Wife by Tahmima Anam. The novel is narrated by a young graduate student who falls in love with her high school crush and begins a business with him and his best friend. The story takes the reader through the fast-paced life-cycle of a startup, beginning with a nascent product idea (developed in the basement) to a full-blown company with hundreds of thousands of users across the world. Along the way, we see the main character struggle with her own role in the company, her assumptions about marriage, ethical decision making, and her own identity.

The premise of the book was actually something we all lived first-hand, having all met at a startup in the late 90s and early 2000s. Although the purpose of the book was to poke fun at startup culture, for some, reliving the startup scene was a bit too much. We reminisced about our many memories from our own startup experience and also had some interesting discussions about the narrator's perspective and attitudes about herself, her marriage, and societal roles and how these changed as her character developed. 

We spent the day outside at a park and enjoyed the beautiful weather, delicious dim sum, and wonderful company. In our many hours together, we relayed stories, supported each other in personal struggles, discussed plans for the future, and laughed and laughed. Now, we just need Karen and Liz. 

As investors consider the worth of startup ventures by evaluating revenue streams and growth rates, we have come away with something far more valuable: deep friendships that have lasted for decades and will see us through our entire lives.

When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chödrön

 

In February 2023, we read Pema Chödrön's When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times. Chödrön is a Buddhist teacher who gave a series of lectures between 1987 and 1994, forming the basis of the book. Each chapter focuses on a Buddhist teaching that we can all apply to life whether on the Buddhist path or not. For example, one teaching was about the concept of tonglen, meaning sending and receiving, which is a practice of first accepting pain instead of our instinct of resisting and rejecting it and then sending out love and compassion.

In the preface, there was some mention of an editor deciding that there was enough material from lecture tapes to create a book, and some questioned the judgment of this editor because some concepts were repeated and there could have been a stronger arc across all the lectures. We liked the concrete stories, for example, one was about a man and a snake and another about a girl's nightmares, and we craved more of these, but all in all, each of us got something meaningful out of the lectures.

The book inspired heart-felt discussions about the impermanence of life, knowing how you want to behave but then falling short in the moment, the art of doing the opposite of what you habitually do, the art of remaining calm, treasured material things and much more. We also deviated from the book and talked about electric cars, discussed how we would live life differently if we knew we only had 10 more years, had a push-up competition, and celebrated Amy's birthday!

We enjoyed delicious dim sum, fresh-baked bread, birthday cake, and a Turkish dessert delicacy called pismaniye.

 

 

Easy Beauty by Chloe Cooper Jones and "The Mixed up Brothers of Bogota" by Susan Dominus

 

For our last bookclub of 2022, we doubled up and discussed two readings so that we could continue to live up to our name of Six Books a Year. Our second reading was an article instead of a book, but we'll let it slide.

Our first reading was Lisa's pick called Easy Beauty: A Memoir by Chloe Cooper Jones. This book tells the story of a philosophy graduate student who has been disabled since birth and who goes through a period of personal growth. One night, she socializes with two fellow grad students who start debating "whether or not my life is worth living," and thus begins her personal journey exploring society's and her own views of disability, beauty, worthiness, marriage, motherhood, friendship, forgiveness and many other topics. Along the way, the author takes us to museums in Rome, a Beyonce concert in Milan, a tennis tournament in California, and Killing Fields in Cambodia.

The book stimulated lengthy discussions about disability with perspectives from some who have members of their families with disabilities. We went deep into many of the characters including the narrator, the narrator's husband, mother, father, son and friends. We also heard perspectives from Lisa who is good friends with someone who knows the author well (and is even mentioned in the book). We agreed that the book offered real substance and it showed in our in-depth discussions.

We also read a New York Times Magazine article from 2015 called "The Mixed Up Brothers of Bogota" by Susan Dominus. The article describes the meeting of two pairs of identical twins who were separated at birth. Because of an accidental mix-up, each twin thought his brother was a fraternal twin, when in reality, the other brother was an identical twin being raised by the other family. The article also inspired interesting conversations about genes, the nature vs. nurture debate, cultural differences, and parenting styles.

We were so thankful that everyone could make it, even Liz who was so sick she could barely speak (get better soon!) Rebecca made the local folks a delicious homemade meal of lasagna and carrot curried soup. We enjoyed homemade cookies from Lisa and Heidi. We also heard some recited poetry from Heidi and Rebecca. What a satisfying bookclub!

Moonglow by Michael Chabon

 

In September 2022, Karen flew into town, so we gathered on a Wednesday night for an in-person bookclub (We missed you, Liz). The book we discussed was Moonglow by Michael Chabon, which is a fictionalized memoir about the life of Chabon's grandfather. In the book, Chabon's grandfather is nearing the end of life and reveals stories that have never been told before from chasing V2 rockets at the end of WWII, to life in prison, to the secret past of his wife, the author's grandmother.

Reactions to the book varied with some very passionate opinions. Some enjoyed the multiple plot lines, others liked the characters, sense of humor and literary elements, but some were put off by the writing style and handling of women characters. Such a mixture of responses made for some very interesting conversations.

We also explored many other topics such as children, travel, mental health, food, diet, work, and different perspectives on spas. We ended the evening with our very own dance party :-)

Hike at Seal Point Park

 

Since Karen was in town, we spent a lovely afternoon at dog-friendly Seal Point Park. We enjoyed a picnic lunch by the bay and beautiful views as we hiked around the park with Rebecca's dog, Finn. So good to see everyone! (We missed you, Liz.) 

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou

 

In May, we read Liz's pick, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou. The book is a memoir of the early life of the writer and poet, covering topics such as literacy, rape, racism, and self identity.

The book was very well received. Many of us were reluctant to admit that we hadn't read it before (especially the English majors). We were mesmerized by her use of artistic language and celebrated that she addressed such heavy topics in a way that was raw and true. She also incorporated elements of humor into her writing. Amy listened to the audiobook as read by the author and recommended this version.

The book led to some interesting discussions about the time period when she lived, her upbringing, how she dealt with racism, and how she explored her own sexuality.

We also launched into discussions of other topics including graduate school professors, health, children, parents, Ayurveda, lingerie, travel, covid, and goats, to name a few. 

We were so happy to have Liz with us in the flesh! But we were sad that we missed Karen. Our unconventional pose for the picture was partially purposeful and partially random, with the goat added for extra ambiance.

We're looking forward to more meetings in person in the future. And Happy Mother's Day to all of us!

Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner

 

In March, we met at Cuesta Park/Zoom to discuss Amy's pick, Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner. The book is a memoir by a Korean-American woman about her relationship with her mother. The memoir describes her changing dynamic with her mother as she grows up and later helps take care of her mother, who eventually dies of cancer. 

The book struck a chord for many of us dealing with sick and aging parents. There were also cultural parallels that many could relate to. Some topics of discussion included parent-child relationships and expectations, racism, things we did that our parents didn't/still don't know about, health, conspiracy theories, Covid, mental health, and, of course, food. Cathy brought some homemade sourdough bread and Amy went to H Mart as well as a local Korean restaurant to offer us this amazing spread of Korean food, with several dishes featured in the book.

The Only Woman in the Room by Marie Benedict

 

Our first bookclub of 2022 was Cathy's pick, The Only Woman in the Room: A Novel by Marie Benedict. The book is a fictionalized account of the life of Hedy Lamarr, the movie star from the late '30s to '50s. Although Lamarr is best known for her Hollywood career (Samson and Delilah), she was also an inventor. The book begins from her early acting career in Austria just before the Nazi invasion and recounts her marriage to a wealthy ammunition manufacturer, her literal escape from that marriage, her voyage to the US, the launch of her Hollywood career, and interestingly, her writing of a "Secret Communication System" patent that would circumvent the jamming of radio-controlled torpedo communications by way of frequency-hopping.

The book was well received. Many wanted the book to include more of Lamarr's life since the book ended after she presented her invention to the military. She went on to have several other marriages, bear children, and eventually lead a very secluded life. We discussed why the author chose to write a fictional account of her life instead of a biography and what parts were true and not true. Was her adopted child really hers? Was her failed escape from her first marriage true or just added drama for the sake of the novel? Some struggled with the style of writing and others questioned whether or not Lamarr was really motivated by guilt as suggested by the author. Beyond all of this, we did agree with the overarching goal of the author to amplify the voice of a woman who was not taken seriously because she was predominantly viewed as a pretty face instead of a brilliant mind.

The book stimulated interesting discussions about how women have been viewed throughout history including being treated as property, as well as other topics not so related to the book including parents, France, special diets, children,  COVID, and meeting someone in person who you've only ever interacted with on Zoom. We missed Liz and Lisa and hope to see them next time. Will we eventually all meet up in person in March? It's exciting to think about the possibility.

Redefining Realness by Janet Mock

Just after Thanksgiving, we had our last bookclub of the year to discuss Jen's pick Redefining Realness: My Path to Womanhood, Identity, Love & So Much More by Janet Mock. Unfortunately, we were missing Rebecca and Karen. Liz was there but she called in so she is not pictured (sorry, Liz). 

Redefining Realness is a memoir recounting the story of how the author, who was born a boy, learns to embrace her identity as a girl and how she eventually establishes herself as a successful black/Hawaiian woman with a career and loving husband. Through her stories, we catch a glimpse of the overwhelming challenges she faced living in poverty, raised by single parents, misunderstood, abused, and shunned. As a reader, we see these matter-of-fact stories not through the lens of a victim but a survivor.

Although the book was difficult to read at times given the trials faced by the author, it was well received. It was eye-opening for many in terms of how transwomen think about their identities especially from a young age. It also shed light on more subtle dynamics, for example, bias within the LGBTQ community itself.

The book surfaced many topics, for example, how gender exploration is different for our children's generation and how even if we think we are accepting, some of our own reactions and thoughts can surprise us.

Thanks to Lisa for cooking up a delicious lunch!

What Fresh Hell Is This? by Heather Corinna

In October, we read Liz's pick What Fresh Hell Is This? Perimenopause, Menopause, Other Indignities, and You by Heather Corinna. This nonfiction book shamelessly discusses all aspects of menopause from the perspective of a sex educator who has researched it and lived it. The book choice was welcomed by many. It gave us an opportunity to share and talk about an important phase of our lives that is still treated as a taboo topic by society. We were able to compare symptoms and discuss where we are in our journeys (and even sharing some period-tracking graphs). 

Most viewed the book as a solid reference, although some enjoyed the style of writing more than others.  Corinna has been described as many things, but reserved is probably not one of them. We appreciated that the book was thorough, addressed the topic from many different angles, and emphasized that there was no one right way to do menopause.

We discussed how menopause has been treated historically including delving into our own family histories with what our mothers and other family members talked about with us and importantly what they didn't talk about.

Beyond the book, I think we all appreciate the close connection we have with one another, which allows us to openly talk about these issues and never feel alone.

Anxious People by Fredrik Backman

In September, we read Rebecca's pick Anxious People by the Swedish writer Fredrik Backman. Many were familiar with the author and have read some of his other novels. This book is about a hostage situation but addressed in a humorous way. For example, the hostages who are being held at gunpoint in an apartment building tell the police officers surrounding the building that they would like to order pizza. Although the characters are dealing with very heavy issues such as divorce, addiction, and death (and being held at gunpoint) the author reminds us not to take life too seriously by mixing in some ridiculous situations that help the reader view things from a lighter angle.

Reception of the book was positive. Although some thought the humor was a bit forced at times, we liked how the storylines of the characters interweaved with each other. We also thought it was interesting how the author tested our biases.

We had a hybrid in-person and on-line meeting. The covid virus is mutating into variants, so the folks meeting in person were outside (in Rebecca's lovely backyard) and sometimes wore masks. Unfortunately, Lisa could not join us because she was enjoying the US Open in NY with her mom. Hopefully, we'll all meet in person some day in the future. Until then, everyone stay safe out there.

(Famous Fruit Tart by Heidi)

You'll Never Believe What Happened to Lacey by Amber Ruffin and Lacey Lamar

 

Our bookclub in June was a momentous occasion with five of us meeting in person! Yay for vaccines.

Lisa's pick for June was You'll Never Believe What Happened to Lacey: Crazy Stories about Racism by Amber Ruffin and Lacey Lamar. These stories were crazy. They were told in a light-hearted, humorous way, but it was shocking to see how rampant racism is in society today. These true anecdotes ranged from white people not being able to tell black people apart to heartbreaking tails of calculated sabotage. Time and again the authors had to convince whites that they had money, were educated, and were successful because of their own talents and capabilities. The sheer number of these stories underscored how blacks have to deal with these issues every. single. day.

We discussed how although there is greater awareness now after the George Floyd protests, some blacks in the workplace are being asked to lead discussion groups and workshops on racism and diversity - this might seem like a good thing, but they are being asked to do these tasks in addition to their jobs without additional pay. Again, whites are placing the burden on blacks. We also talked about positive trends in education for our own children but how many don't believe racism still exists.

As usual we branched into other topics including vaccines, children, parents, pets, careers, television, books, menopause, simulation theory, and much more. And of course, there was food. Go bookclub!

The Glass Hotel by Emily St. John Mandel

Karen's pick for bookclub in April 2021 was The Glass Hotel by Emily St. John Mandel. The author describes this book as "a ghost story with a Ponzi scheme and container shipping." The description is not wrong. In the book, we hear the voices of many characters who together tell the story of a woman, Vincent, who gets involved with a successful financier, and we eventually learn that this financier is orchestrating a massive Ponzi scheme. The book develops a number of individual storylines, exploring relationships between different characters who later interact with other characters in different contexts, and at the end, many of these storylines are tied back together in a masterful way.

Discussion of the book was quite involved. Some had trouble getting into the story, until the characters were in fact at the glass hotel, where the characters related to the Ponzi scheme were introduced. From here, things got quite interesting. We discussed characters we liked and didn't like and why. We explored different characters' ethical stances and what drives people to make unethical decisions. We talked about the hallucinations and ghosts in the story and how our perceptions of these apparitions changed throughout the book. And we discussed how the author resolved different storylines. It just so happens that the person who inspired the character of the financier was Bernie Madoff who ran the world's largest Ponzi scheme to date until he was arrested in 2008. Madoff died in prison three days after our bookclub.

Our discussions also took us to current events including progress on the covid vaccine, Asian hate crimes, and how to instigate change as well as other topics such as our children, families and much more. We missed Liz and wish her a wonderful birthday. Like always we look forward to a time (hopefully in the near future) when we can see each other face to face again.

Having fun at bookclub: